My Picks for the Most Heinous Fathers in Fiction

They are the pinnacle of horrible parenting at it’s absolute worst. Happy Father’s Day everyone, and today, I wanted to take a look at some examples of characters that I consider to be the worst dad’s in fiction. Whether they neglected their children or were verbally or physically abusive to them, these are the deadbeats that Child Protective Services would love to put behind bars. That is, if they could.

Also, it goes without saying, but I despise each and every one of these guys. Okay, maybe not one of them.

Tywin Lannister

I cannot lie: I have a grudging respect for the Patriarch of House Lannister for being one of the smartest characters in Game of Thrones. As the head of House Lannister in the first half of the show, Tywin manipulated events to ensure his family would remain on top. No matter how immoral the methods may be (*cough* Red Wedding *cough*). Yet for all his talk of the importance of family, Tywin failed to practice what he preached. While each of his kids got scarred by their dad’s neglect, it was Tyrion who got the worst of it.

From the moment he was born, Tywin sought to make Tyrion’s life a living hell, all by virtue of being a dwarf. From denying him his birthright to allow him to be framed for the assassination of Joffrey, he went out of his way to be rid of his son. So, can you blame some of us for cheering when Tyrion killed his father as payback for all the abuse? Considering how he was going to have Tyrion killed, I’d say it was justified.

Aku

He is the shape-shifting master of darkness, the Shogun of sorrow, and the mortal enemy to Samurai Jack. Aku is one of the most evil beings in cartoon history, with atrocities that span centuries of tyrannical rule. However, it turns out he’s also… a dad? In the penultimate episode of the show, we learn that he left part of his essence with a cult that worshipped him. And when the High Priestess drank it, she somehow got pregnant and gave birth to Aku’s half-human daughters, the last of which was Ashi, Jack’s companion and love interest.

Now, Aku’s more or less on here because of all of his past actions. He didn’t have enough time to develop a real relationship with Ashi. However, in the short time he knew of her existence, he used his essence to control her body against her will and become his unwilling puppet. Fortunately, Ashi proved that her heritage didn’t define her and overcame her father’s control, which led to Aku’s downfall and Jack getting back to the past at last.

Darth Vader

As a Sith Lord, Darth Vader was responsible for countless atrocities in the name of his master, many of which would physically and emotionally scar his children, Luke and Leia. The first movie alone saw him order the deaths of Luke’s Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, torture Leia, and force her to watch as her home planet was destroyed. Then came Empire where he cut off Luke’s arm, and then proceeded to shatter his son’s world with this now famous scene.

I would also hold the fact that he was absent from his kid’s lives for twenty years, but to be fair, he was led to believe that they were dead. He may have redeemed himself in his final moments, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that Vader was a bad dad.

By the way, this is the one that I don’t hate. I’m more disappointed in Vader.

Mr. Stotch

If you thought that I would put Randy Marsh on this list as the dad I hate most on South Park, guess again. While I find some of Randy Marsh’s antics annoying, I understand that he’s just an idiot and doesn’t mean any harm. Most of the time. The dad that I hate the most has to be Mr. Stotch.

Mr. Stotch is, in my eyes, the epitome of a dad that is far too strict with the way he treats his son, Butters. He will rail on Butters for the most minor of mistakes, real or imaginary, and his main form of discipline is to simply ground Butters. In the context of the show, it’s played for laughs, but if this was in real life, Mr. Stotch would be arrested by Child Protective Services. When I got to fight him in South Park: The Fractured But Whole, it felt cathartic to give him his just desserts.  

Fire Lord Ozai

And here he is, the man I consider to be the epitome of terrible fatherhood, Fire Lord Ozai. I could write an entire article on why Ozai was not just a horrible dad, but a horrible person in general, and overall waste of human DNA. Instead, I’ll just paraphrase all of the horrible things he’s done:

• Jealously tried to have his wife’s ex-boyfriend (and true love) killed
• Was willing to kill his own son to appease his equally abusive father
• Murdered his own father in order to usurp his brother’s birthright and become Fire Lord
• Challenged his own son Zuko to an Agni Kai just for talking out of turn, and then permanently scarred him and banished him when he refused to fight.
• Was emotionally abusive to Azula and pushed her into becoming a cold-blooded, sociopathic perfectionist, contributing to her eventually loss of sanity.
• Was going to burn the entire world to the ground to create a new world where he ruled as a god-king

All said, Ozai was, without a doubt, the worst father that I had ever seen on TV while I was growing up. Everyone universally agreed that the world would be better off without him, with Zuko even encouraging Aang to kill him. While he would have deserved it, I think that Aang’s punishment was far more fitting. Taking away his bending forever, stripping him of all his power, and leaving him to rot in prison for the rest of his life was a fate worse than death. And a fitting punishment for such a sad, pathetic bully. Good riddance.

Happy Father’s Day, Everyone!

So, now that that’s out of the way, I want to say thanks to all the wonderful fathers out there. And I hope that seeing these failures of parenthood in action will make you appreciate your old man even more.

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Rick and Morty Season 4, Episode 4 Review- Claw and Hoarder: Special Ricktim’s Morty

Dragons are some of the most iconic creatures in all of fiction, appearing in almost every culture I can think of. As cool as they are though, I know that having one as a pet would be a bad idea. Even if they’re one of the nice dragons, they’d still be a hassle. Why mention this? Because the plot of this week’s episode of Rick and Morty has the pair learn this the hard way. However, it’s not for the reasons you’d think.

Full disclosure: this episode gets weird, even for Rick and Morty. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Morty’s Drogon (I Know What I Wrote)

So, Morty decides that he wants Rick to get him a dragon as a reward for all the crap he goes through. Even though Rick tries to get out of this, in the end he gets Morty his dragon, Balthromaw, though he wants no part in it.

In my opinion, Balthromaw’s a mix of a few popular depictions of dragons. Firstly, he has his own lair where he hoards treasure like Smaug from Lord of the Rings. Physically, though, he looks like he could be the long-lost twin brother of Drogon from Game of Thrones. As a bonus, Balthromaw’s voiced by GoT alumni Liam Cunningham, AKA Ser Davros.

At any rate, Morty soon realizes that having a dragon’s not as fun as it sounds. As a result, Rick decides to slay him, and then probably planned on saying “I told you so” later. However, the show twists its typical formula by having the two bond over all the cool stuff Balthromaw.

Then, things take a turn into left field. The two end up “soul-bonding”, which is thinly-veiled metaphor for sex. Instead of hiding it, the show goes all out, with the dialogue even making it sound like sex.

Um… Dragon “Soul-Bonding”

So, from here, things get very weird even by Rick’s standards. Firstly, Balthomaw gets taken back for bonding with more than one soul. However, since Rick’s soul-bonded to him, if the dragon dies, Rick does. As a result, they have to go rescue him in a dimension where Rick’s science doesn’t work. Some other reviews have said it’s a missed opportunity to not have Rick deal with the fact that his expertise is useless, but I disagree. He’s still Rick Sanchez, and even when put into an unfamiliar environment without any of his tools, he’d still find a way to thrive.

It doesn’t matter in the end, though. The whole fantasy adventure ends up being something everyone wants to forget. As a result, Morty tells Balthomaw to get lost, unable to stand the revelation of how horny dragons can be. If it weren’t for what I just witnessed, I’d be laughing at the deadpan, baritone way Cunningham voices the dragon’s attempts to reconcile.

Jerry and Garfield and the Noodle Incident

While all this is happening, Jerry’s on his own adventure with a talking cat a la Garfield. There’s no explanation whatsoever as to why the cat can talk: all that we know is that Rick has nothing to do with it. The two go on a silly road trip to Florida for the heck of it, but just leaves them to have to call Rick for a ride home. Naturally, Rick uses this chance to scan the cat’s mind and find out why it can talk.

We never learn what Rick and Jerry see, but whatever it was, it was horrific. The two are so disgusted that Jerry starts vomiting, and Rick almost kills himself. If someone as messed-up as Rick’s tempted to choose suicide rather than live with seeing something, then it has to be bad.

I thought this pay-off was a hilarious example of the “Noodle Incident” trope. Getting its name from the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, TV Tropes defines a noodle incident as something either so ridiculous or offensive that it can’t be shown. Fortunately, Rick mercifully wipes Jerry’s memory of the whole thing. As much as Rick hates his son-in-law, he can’t subject him to what they just saw.

What Just Happened?

So, even after watching this episode, I still have no idea what the point behind it was. However, maybe that’s the whole point of what I just witnessed. I honestly don’t know, because I’m still trying to get over the fact that Rick and Morty took dragons and made them into horny beasts. Maybe it was just Justin, Dan and the others wanting to mess around. Or the whole thing was a subtle defense to the ending of Game of Thrones.

One thing’s for sure, though: I think Rick’s going to steer clear of fantasy worlds for a while.

I Give “Claw and Hoarder: Special Ricktim’s Morty” a 3/5.

By the way, I wanted to get this off my chest: that wizard used a wand to create a portal to travel between dimensions. This was the perfect opportunity to reference another form of magic-based interdimensional travel and they wasted it.

Stray Observations

Look at all the cool things that Balthomaw had in his lair. Some of that stuff’s worth more than all that treasure!

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I’ve been putting this off for three weeks now, and I can’t take it anymore. Game of Thrones is over, and I need to talk about the show some more!

To say Game of Thrones is the biggest show of the decade would be an understatement; it’s one of the biggest shows of all time. It’s changed our culture in ways that few stories have ever done. The tens of millions of fans, references and parodies by other shows, works by scholars; I could go on! Not to mention that the places they used to film the show got significant boosts in tourism. Croatia and Northern Ireland have websites dedicated to Game of Thrones tourism.

What I’m saying is that this GoT has gotten a lot of love, and that’s why the final season was so divisive. Its sad feeling seeing a story you love end in an unsatisfying manner, and for some, it can sour an otherwise good memory. I’ve spent the past three weeks thinking about that, and I want to give my answer to this question:

Is Game of Thrones Still a Good Show?

The Plot

Few adaptations are capable of carrying over everything from their source material, and Game of Thrones is no exception. The show took liberties with the source material from day one, but they were never too drastic. Some characters got aged up, appearances changed for casting purposes, things like that. As time went on, though, it began to deviate from the books.

Martin gave Weiss and Benioff an outline of how he was going to end the books, and that’s what they used for Season 6 onwards. Which is good and all, but I’m not alone when I say this: they made the final two seasons too short. HBO tried to go for quality over quantity with fewer episodes, but by doing so, they lost both. I liked Season 7, but it was one big event after another. That may work on paper, but in truth, we need extra time to flesh the story out. In short, they should have stayed at the ten episode mark.

You have to admit; though, even at its worst, GoT is still enjoyable to watch. The casting’s amazing, the music is world-class, and the special effects are incredible. It speaks to the high quality of the show when the worst of it is still fun to watch. I still hate Dorne, though.

The Worries about the White Walkers

Depending on how you look at it, the White Walkers are either the best or the worst thing about Game of Thrones. Despite coming from the book, the White Walkers are more of the show’s work. They’re hardly shown in the book, and they don’t have as significant a role as in the show; not yet, at least.

The reason why its a problem is because the show spent so much time building them up as the ultimate big bad of the show. I even considered all the power plays in Westeros as distractions to weaken them for the war against the dead. By Season 7, it was all I cared about. Then in one episode, it ended thanks to the most badass woman in the show, Arya Stark.

I realized then that prophecies in Game of Thrones are worthless. So much Jon being the one to save the day. Then again, since Game of Thrones likes subverting expectations about fantasy, this wouldn’t be out of the question.

Its Take on Medieval Fantasy

Before George R.R. Martin, people would think of medieval fantasy being something like Lord of the Rings or Ivanhoe. Noble heroes fight against evil, epic battles of magic and things. Game of Thrones takes all that and splashes it with a ridiculous dose of reality.

In real life, the medieval world was more or less the same as life has always been: violent and as filled with jerks as it is with good people. More to the point, it’s not a black and white story, either; its grey. As in real life, people sometimes have to do bad things to survive or achieve their goals. As a student of history who has seen some messed up things, I appreciate the fact that they don’t sugar coat anything.

My favorite moment was still The Battle of the Bastards.

My Verdict

So, was the finale to Game of Thrones not what we expected? Yes. Though, the show may have ended up falling victim to its hype. It had become the most excellent show on TV, so expectations for the final season were high, maybe too high ever to meet.

Does the finale make it any less of a show as a whole, though? I can honestly say that, no, it doesn’t.

The show had its fair share of controversies and bad moments before the final season came around, yet it kept going through it all. When you look back on it as a whole, it’s still an incredible story; one of the best stories humanity has ever told, in my opinion. I am upset that we never got to see Jon slay the Night King as I wanted, or Arya kills Cersei, but we can’t get everything. It may have tripped at the finish line, but I still think that Game of Thrones is worth watching. If you don’t agree, then I respect that.

Team Stark 4 Life, people!

One last thing! Did you guys know that there’s a hand-woven tapestry that depicts the events of the show? I’m serious! Located in a museum in Belfast, Northern Ireland, the Game of Thrones Tapestry was modeled after the Bayeux Tapestry in France. It has all the big moments from the show on it up to the end of Season 7, and they’ll be adding the final season soon. Click the link below to see the website about it:

Cool Game of Thrones Tapestry

Game of Thrones, “The Iron Throne” Series Finale Review

After eight years, 73 episodes, and too many deaths to count, Game of Thrones is over, and our watch has ended. It redefined what can we can do with a TV show, influenced a decade of pop culture, and became the most popular show in the world.

It’s so popular, that economic experts are saying that millions of people will either were going to call out sick on Monday or be less productive. It’s going to cost the economy millions.

I’m going to write something that looks back on the series as a whole, but this will focus on the finale. So, did it end up being everything we hoped for? Laura Prudom of IGN noted that it ended up being as bittersweet as George R.R. Martin said it would. The end of a good story’s often bittersweet, though it feels more bitter than sweet, in this case.

Picking up after Daenerys has burned King’s Landing, Jon and Tyrion try to come to terms with what they saw. They’re both wracked with guilt and grief, but it’s Tyrion who gets the message across. Peter Dinklage gave his last performance as Tyrion everything he had, the grief he feels very visible. It’s not until he gets to the crypts that we see his best performance. Digging through the rubble until he finds the bodies of Jaime and Cersei, Tyrion breaks down in tears.

No matter how much she hated him, Tyrion could never bring himself to hate his sister. The bitter irony to this scene is that, despite all the times his father and sister tried to get rid of him, Tyrion was the last one standing. The last of the Lannisters; he was alone.

And now the rains weep o’er his halls, and only one soul to hear.

Daenerys, meanwhile, revels in her victory. In the Red Keep, she tells the Unsullied and Dothraki that they’ve “liberated” King’s Landing. Now, she intends to do the same to the rest of the world.

Say what you will about the story, but everything about this scene was flawless. The cinematography was perfect, Emilia Clarke was giving her all, and the whole thing drove home the fact that Dany has become that which she swore to destroy. The fact that it reminded me of a Nazi rally only drives that fact home.

When Tyrion resigns as Hand in disgust, Daenerys arrests him for treason, and he spends what he thinks are his last hours trying to convince Jon that she must be stopped. Jon tries to remain stoic and say that she’s his queen, but we know he’s lying to himself. He still wants to see the good in her, but Arya and Tyrion point out that if he does nothing, then Daenerys will eventually kill him and Sansa.

Even though Jon knows he has to do it, he makes it a point to ask Daenerys one last time to stop this madness. It’s who he is. But this is what Daenerys has become. The Game has corrupted her, twisted her good intentions. The only reason people let her get away with it, us included, is because we saw the people she burned as jerks. The Warlocks, the Slavemasters, the Khals.

I had made peace with what happened next, but on the inside, it still broke my heart when Jon stabbed Daenerys in the heart. Sensing his mother’s death, Drogon comes in the throne room and tries to nudge her lifeless body in vain. Everyone expected that he would try to kill Jon, but instead, he turned his on something else: the Iron Throne. Where Balerion the Black Dread forged the Iron Throne, Drogon the Winged Shadow reduced it to molten metal.

This was a powerful moment for me, one of the best in the series. People have said dragons are as smart as humans, if not smarter. And in this moment, Drogon was smart enough to realize that while Jon may have been the one to do it, it was the Iron Throne and all it stood for that killed his mother. It was like a curse that had torn Westeros apart, and the carnage we’d seen in the show was only a fraction of the bloodshed. Homes plundered, dominions in ruin, all to grasp at the Throne. Drogon made the smartest decision out of anyone in the show, and decided that no one should have that power. Then, he took his mother’s body, and flew away from Westeros, never to return.

Game of Thrones “The Bells” Review

My head is still spinning from what I just saw, but I think I can still sum it up in a few words: what. The heck. Just happened? I will tell you what happened. We just saw one of our favorite characters on Game of Thrones cross the line from benevolent ruler into full-on tyrant. We saw an entire city burned to the ground, and a few of the show’s longest running characters die, some of them in a stupid and unsatisfying fashion.

First, though, let’s address the giant, fire-breathing elephant in the room: Daenerys Targaryen. As the show has progressed, she has become one of my favorite characters. We’ve seen her be ruthless towards her enemies, but we’ve also seen how kind she can be to those she calls her friends. She sincerely wanted to give the people she ruled a better life, and inspired genuine loyalty in people.

Ever since she came to Westeros, though, the show seemed determined to break her. She lost her main allies, then she lost Viserion, Jorah, Rhaegal, and Missandei in rapid succession. By the time we see her in this episode, she’s broken and vengeful. Most people would feel like that. But what she does in the climax of this episode makes her cross the line into becoming the very thing she swore she wouldn’t.

Varys spent the last two episodes trying to bring Daenerys to her senses, only for his pleas to fall on deaf ears. So when he learns that Jon’s the true heir to the Iron Throne, he goes behind Dany’s back and tries to back Jon. That leads to the spider’s demise, though, as Daenerys sentences him to death by Drogon. I liked Varys a lot; he was one of the few people on the show who stood up for the little guy. His death also made me think the spoilers I heard about on Reddit were true.

They were only half right in the end. On to the moment we’ve been waiting for: the fall of King’s Landing.

The last episodes made it seem like Daenerys and Cersei were more evenly matched: she lost a lot of her forces fighting the White Walkers, she lost most of her fleet, and then Rhaegal. Cersei, meanwhile, had the Golden Company, the Iron Fleet, and lined the city walls with Scorpions.

This is what said walls looked like after after Dany was done.

Instead of getting another Blackwater, the “Battle of King’s Landing” is more of a total butt-whooping. The Scorpions suddenly become useless as Drogon levels the walls and Daenerys’ armies mow down the Golden Company. The Lannister soldiers are no match against the enemy and just get cut down until they decide to lay down their arms and surrender the city. For a brief moment, it seems like King’s Landing will be spared further bloodshed. But then Daenerys chooses to ignore that and set Drogon on the Red Keep, burning thousands of innocent civilians and prompting her army to sack the city.

Even Grey Worm gets in on it, killing the Lannister soldiers even after they surrendered. All Jon, Tyrion, and Davos can do is watch helplessly. It gets worse, though. Drogon ends up igniting the wildfire caches below the city, setting the city even further ablaze.

Amidst all this, Arya and the Hound make it inside the Red Keep to kill Cersei and the Mountain, despite that almost certainly leading to their deaths. This gave us one of the episode’s better moments as the Hound manages to talk some sense into Arya, telling her revenge isn’t worth what it does to people. It’s something Arya’s needed to hear for a long time, and the fact that its coming from the Hound give it the most impact. Arya decides to abandon her quest for vengeance and return home, but not before calling the Hound by his name, Sandor, for the first and last time. It’s a very touching moment that almost made me cry.

As for Sandor, he finally got to face his brother in the Cleganebowl. And honestly, it was anticlimactic. The duel between Oberyn Martell and the Mountain was cooler than this. As the Red Keep crumbled and burned, the two brothers dueled to the death, though there wasn’t anything left of the Mountain to kill. In the end, the only way Sandor could kill his zombie-brother was by throwing them both out the tower into the fires below.

The worst part of the entire episode, though, was how it ended the stories of Jaime and Cersei Lannister. After throwing away all his character development to go back to Cersei, the two reunite after Jaime kills Euron Greyjoy (who died smiling because he thought he killed the Kingslayer). Instead of killing her like so many wanted to see, they just reaffirm their incestuous love for each other as they try to escape. Instead, though, they end up dying in the crypts as the roof collapses thanks to Drogon and Daenerys.

Ever since I started watching this show, I wanted to see Cersei Lannister die for her crimes, but with the way the show kills her, I feel robbed! Cheated! I wanted to see her face justice for what she wrought, but instead I felt pity for her crying about not wanting to die. It seemed like a lazy, rushed ending to one of the best characters in the show. That’s right, I called Cersei one of the best.

So it looks like nobody wins in the Last War, and everybody loses. King’s Landing’s in ruins, and it will take decades to rebuild the city. Two of the series big story arcs end up stumbling to the finish line, and Daenerys did just what her father would do. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR ANYMORE!!

The one glimmer of light was the cinematography in the sack of King’s Landing. The overhead shot as Drogon was burning everything was a pleasure to look at, but the real highlight was the shaky camera moments seen through Arya Stark as she just tries to survive. The people who did that deserve an award.

Arya also manages to survive, and thanks to a Deus Ex Horse, she leaves King’s Landing behind. I want her to go back to Winterfell or just spend her life with Gendry, or find some measure of peace. But if the theories are to be right, she may have had added Daenerys to her list.

Its official: Game of Thrones has jumped the shark. I don’t know if it did it in the last episode or this one, but it has. Thankfully, the show has only one episode left, so we don’t have to worry too much about seeing it post-shark-jump. The downside is that there’s no way they can resolve all the show’s plot threads in that time. It’s impossible. I pray that the show can still end on a high note, but I don’t even know anymore.

There’s only one week left before the series finale which will decide where Game of Thrones will stand in the history books. As of now, though, I’m more looking forward to the series finale of Star vs. The Forces of Evil, which comes on that morning.

I Give “The Bells” a 2/5. Burn it All

Game of Thrones, “Last of the Starks” Review

After what happened last week with the Battle of Ice and Fire, I admit that I had my worries. That the show has jumped the shark. But I was wrong, because this week’s episode just sent us on an emotional roller coaster as hearts were broken, faces were broken, and any chance at a happy ending flew out the window.

Except for Sam and Gilly. I think they’re pretty much the only ones who will live happily ever after.

The episode starts off on a somber note as we say goodbye to those who fell in the Battle of Ice and Fire. I thought that this was an emotionally powerful scene on a number of levels. For one, we were saying goodbye to characters that we had known for years, with Theon and Jorah being theirs since episode one. For me, in particular, it felt like this was the funeral for Night’s Watch itself.

Think about it. With the White Walkers extinct and the Free Folk and the North on good terms, there’s no point for them to keep operating. They fulfilled their purpose. And now their watch has ended. It’s up to the living to pick up the pieces.

A big part of this episode is trying to find the answer to an unspoken question: can those left remain united? For a while, it feels like they can. The feast in the Great Hall start out quiet and awkward, but it turns into a party when Daenerys singles out Gendry.

Since he came back in Season Seven, one of my biggest hopes was to see Gendry be legitimized as Gendry Baratheon, Lord of the Storm Lands. I got my wish, and I was happy to see that Daenerys didn’t hold a grudge against him for his dad running her family out of Westeros.

Too bad Arya turned down his marriage proposal. Their kids would have been so bad ass.

So after Gendry’s made a lord, everyone starts getting drunk and celebrating. Brienne and Jaime consummate their relationship, which was a nice sub-plot. But amidst all the merriment, cracks are starting to form. Almost everyone goes around praising Jon for his heroism (and riding a dragon) and treating him like a King, while Daenerys gets little praise.

Jon has said it several times by now: he doesn’t want the Iron Throne, though as Daenerys points out in private, that won’t matter. People will still try and put him on the Throne, regardless, and that makes him a threat to her. They could resolve that issue if they either A.) kept quiet about it, or B.) get married, making it a moot point.

As Daenerys prepares to move her remaining forces south to take King’s Landing. She’s lost a lot of the Dothraki, and only half the Unsullied remain alive. But now she has the support of the Iron Islands (Yara’s taken them back) and Dorne. Jon will lead the North and the Vale south down the King’s Road while she flies for Dragonstone with her fleet. Meanwhile, people start to go their separate ways.

Arya and the Hound are headed down to King’s Landing on their own to settle with Cersei and the Mountain. I’m rooting for her to kill Cersei.

I don’t know where Sam’s going, but with the Night’s Watch pretty much disbanded, he can become Lord of Horn Hill, with Gilly, Little Sam, and their unborn child with him. That’s right, they’re having a kid; and if its a boy, they’ll name him after his best friend, Jon.

Jaime and Tyrion get blackmailed by Bronn into giving him Highgarden in exchange for not killing them. And since Jaime can’t stay away from Cersei, he ends up leaving Brienne and Winterfell to head back to King’s Landing. Hopefully to kill her.

That’s a jerk move, Jaime, and we get it. You used to be a huge jerk, but the fact that you’re owning up to it means you’re a better person than you think you are.

Tormund decides to take the Free Folk back up North now that the White Walkers are gone. With the hole in the Wall and the Night’s Watch having no reason to fight them anymore, they can come back whenever they want. And Jon decides to send Ghost with them so he can with the other direwolves (poor Ghost. No love anymore).

And right before he left, Jon did the one thing he shouldn’t have done: he told Sansa and Arya his heritage. And despite swearing not to tell anyone, Sansa tells Tyrion, who then tells Varys, who then rightfully says that it’s not a secret anymore. And now Varys is considering backing Jon instead; not because he’s the rightful heir (or because he’s a guy) but because Daenerys may not be suited anymore.

The Mother of Dragons has lost a lot since she came back to Westeros. Most of her original allies are gone, she lost one dragon, and she just found out she may not be the rightful Queen, after all. So what does the show do? Break her even further.

As soon as she returns to Dragonstone, Euron Greyjoy’s fleet ambushes her and wrecks her ships. Worse, they’ve mass-produced Qyburn’s Scorpion, and they use it to shoot Rhaegal out of the sky. In another blow to her mental state, they capture Missandei and, in the episode’s final moments, behead her as Daenerys watches from outside the city gates.

I saw the look of grief and rage in her eyes when Rhaegal died. It was like a fire that threatened to consume her. But the look she gave in the final shot of the episode scared me: it looked like she was one step away from losing her sanity.

What. The Heck, GoT? I know that the Targaryens have a history of mental instability, but I wanted to see Daenerys dodge it. Yet ever since she got back to Westeros, it feels like the show is determined to push her to becoming similar to her father. I’m not even sure I want her on the Throne anymore, but since I hate Cersei and Jon doesn’t want it, she may be the best chance we have left.

Regarding the question that I posed before, I think the answer that this episode gives us is a big no. Even after standing united in the face of death itself, humanity can’t help but turn on itself the moment the crisis is past. It’s sad to watch, and its made even more difficult by the fact that the people who survived the Great War may end up dying at each other’s hands. Which is as sad as seeing World War 1 Veterans die from the Flu.

But, that’s what Game of Thrones does. It messes with our expectations. Sometimes, they work. Other times, it doesn’t work. Here, I think it does both. Either way, though, this episode proves that even after a climatic war against death incarnate, Game of Thrones still has what it takes.

But I’m still upset at how Daenerys, Brienne, and Missandei get treated, so that brings down the experience.

I Give “Last of the Starks” a 3.5/5, at best

Stray Observations

• Cersei promised Bronn Riverrun. Last time I checked, Edmure Tully’s alive. Even if he wasn’t, he has a kid.
• The improbable travel speed of the dragons strikes again
• My reaction when Rhaegal died:

• I wished that Missandei chose to walk off the wall instead of letting herself get decaptitated. And I’m not the only one.

• Daenerys needs to find more dragon eggs. Unless Drogon turns out to be a girl.

• Why is the show not giving any love to the dire wolves? First we don’t get to see Ghost fight in the Battle of Ice and Fire, and now they’re setting him free north of The Wall?

• Who saw the coffee cup?

Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 3 Review

Again, I have to apologize for this. You’d think with how much I love Game of Thrones, this would be the highest priority. But then I worry that I won’t write it right, stuff piles up, and this happens.

More to the point, I needed a couple of days to process what happened. The show had been building up to this moment since the very first scene. Then HBO said that this was going to rival the Battle of Helm’s Deep in the Lord of the Rings films. That this was going to be the longest continous battle in television history. Game of Thrones had a lot to ride on. The question is, were they able to live up to the hype?

The short answer is, yes and no. To better explain, let’s head back to the start of “The Long Night”.

As stated last episode, the army at Winterfell can’t win a head on fight. Numbers aside, the enemy has no fear or rational thinking. The plan is to lure the Night King to Bran, then Jon and Daenerys will swoop in on Drogon and Rhaegal and kill him.

Right away, things don’t go the way I expected when Melisandre shows up. I had a hunch that she would show up, but instead of bringing a couple thousand Red Priests as help, it’s only her.

I wanted to see the Red Priests play a role in the Great War since they talked about fighting the darkness. In the end, though, I had to settle with Melisandre lighting all the Dothraki’s swords on fire, which was awesome.

For a brief moment, I thought that things would work out as the Dothraki charged at the enemy. Then I remembered that this was Game of Thrones.

This is what I thought when I saw the Dothraki’s swords go out one by one:

Then the plan falls apart when Daenerys charges into battle anyway. We all get where she’s coming from, but she has a history of letting her emotions get the best of her.

When the Wights appear out of darkness, I thought it was like watching a wave of evil crashing on a shore. It was terrifying to watch, but it would have been scarier if we could actually see them!

I don’t know if they wanted to make the moment even more terrifying, but it was pointless if we couldn’t see a thing. I hope HBO fixes that in future releases. Thank god we had Drogon and Rhaegal to light it up. But then the dragons and their riders got caught in a snowstorm the Night King created.

From that moment on, the battle turned into a scene from hell. Fires burning in the distance, the dim lights, and the snow looked like ash. That was a good way to use the low lights; it conveyed a sense of terror, a feeling of true hopelessness.

When faced with despair, the cast reacted in different ways, but the one who took it best was Arya Stark. She was by far the best fighter in the episode, killing dozens of wights, sneaking past them, and being a master assassin. Then the one moment when she almost gave up, all it took was Melisandre reminding her what Syrio Forel said.

What do we say to death? Not today.

There were plenty of awesome moments in this episode, but aside from Arya proving she was co-mvp, the biggest was the fight against the Night King. In the series’ lore, the last time the world had seen dragons fight each other was in the Dance of Dragons 150 years ago. The fight, while short, didn’t disappoint, and the heroes almost beat the Night King.

Then we saw that it was all a red herring. As it turns out, not even dragonfire can stop the Night King, and seeing him just smirking in the flames scared me. A LOT. Then when I saw Jon chasing after the Night King, I thought, like many people, that this was it. the fight between Jon and the Night King that we had waited for all this time.

As much of a buzzkill that was, I have to give the show props for making the Night King smart enough to not fight Jon. Jon would need one hit to end him, and with him pinned by Viserion, that wasn’t happening.

Despite all their efforts, it looked like the Night King was going to win. The heroes were on their last legs or too far away from Bran to save him. Then I realized something: we hadn’t seen Arya in a while, and I realized what was about to happen.

A master assassin only needs one moment to strike. And while the White Walkers were focused on Bran, Arya reminded us what we say to death: not today.
Just like that, it was over. With one lightning stike, Arya had slain the Night King. It’s ironic that she used the blade that had caused her family so much.
I hereby dub Arya “Arya Stark the Nightkiller”.

As the credits rolled, so many thoughts raced through my head. I loved seeing Arya become the Nightkiller, but it also felt a little anti-climactic, and disappointing that we didn’t get an epic sword fight between Jon and the Night King. Then again, this is Game of Thrones, and Game of Thrones is all about taking the medieval fantasy and throwing it on its head. So, it makes sense, in a way. And it cements Arya Stark as one of the best assassin’s in fictional history.

So in the end, was this the battle that HBO promised us? It did live up to the hype at times, but it was also hindered by the poor lighting, and the ending seems anti-climactic. But let’s not forget that while the White Walkers were always going to be a major plot point, they weren’t going to be the end all for the show. This show has always been about one thing: the Throne and who sits on it. And while I may have some issues with the episode, I will not deny that I was entertained from start to finish.

Valar Morguhils

I Give “The Long Night” A 3/5. Fix the darn lighting already, and give me the head of Cersei

Stray Observations

• Just once, couldn’t we just let Ghost fight in a battle? For god’s sake, we don’t even see him again
• A lot of people agree that the “tactics” the living used were idiotic.
• I’m almost tempted to just bail on the show now that the White Walker’s are dead. Only thing keeping me here is the hope of seeing Cersei dead.
• RIP House Mormont, Beric Dondarrion, Melisandre, Dolorous Edd, Qono, and Theon Greyjoy. You didn’t die in vain.

Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 2 “A Knight of the Seven” Review

The stillness before battle is unbearable. Such a quiet dread.

-Chief Arnook, “The Siege of the North, Part 1”, Avatar: the Last Airbender

I must apologize for the fact that this is coming out just hours before the premiere of episode three. Sometimes, it can take a while to figure out what I want to say. And considering what happened in Episode two, I had a lot to think about.

The above quote comes from the Season One finale to my favorite cartoon as a kid, Avatar: The Last Airbender. All the heroes are preparing for a massive invasion by the oppressive Fire Nation, and one of them remarks on how quiet it gets before battle. It’s that gnawing sensation that sharpens people’s nerves as they prepare to fight, knowing in the back of their minds that they may not live to see another day. That’s what this episode comes down to, in the end.

Tormund, Eddison, and the remaining Free Folk and Night’s Watch get to Winterfell and let everyone know: the Army of the Dead is coming. They have less than a day before they arrive. And so, Winterfell prepares for battle, even though they know that not all hands are on deck.

After showing up at the end of the last episode, Jaime lets everyone know that Cersei hopes they and the White Walkers kill each other, save her the trouble. Daenerys is livid that Tyrion messed up again, but her bigger focus is on Jaime. Despite knowing full well that her father got what he deserved, it seems like she wants to punish Jaime for killing Aerys Targaryen. Not to mention his transgressions against House Stark. The only reason that Sansa doesn’t try and kill him is because Brienne vouches for him and how he saved her from the Bolton’s, twice.

While two of the most powerful women in Winterfell may not be able to forgive Jaime yet, Sansa seems willing to forgive another new arrival: Theon Greyjoy. He took a handful of Ironborn and came to the sight of the worst mistake of his life to fight for the living, and Sansa hugs him for it. They will need all the help they can get.

The Night King’s goal isn’t just to wipe out humanity: he wants to erase all memory of the world and the people in it. That’s why he was hellbent on killing Bran Stark before: as the Three-Eyed Raven, he holds all the world’s history in his head, and is the Night King’s biggest threat. Against his family’s wishes, Bran opts to wait for the Night King in the Godswood as bait. Theon and the Ironborn will guard him, and Jon and Daenerys will use Drogon and Rhaegal to destroy him.

And with that, the rest of the episode is essentially the surviving cast preparing for what’s to come, knowing full well they may not survive. It’s an emotional time, both for the people in the show and for the people watching this on TV. We know, just as the cast does, that not everyone at Winterfell is going to survive what happens next.

The thing about the prospect of imminent death is that it makes people reflect on their lives up to that moment. The entire cast starts talking with each other, swapping stories and bonding over the events that brought them to this moment. And I will be going over them in my list of favorite moments for the episode

The one that may end up having the biggest impact, though, is the meeting between Jon and Daenerys in the Crypts. Daenerys has heard so many good things about Rhaegar from the people who knew him, so the fact that he kidnapped another woman doesn’t make sense to her. Then, Jon tells her the truth: that Lyanna and Rhaegar loved each other, and that he is their son, and thus a Prince by birth.

I think it’s telling that Daenerys is less concerned with the fact that she slept with her nephew, and more about the fact that this makes Jon the King of the Seven Kingdoms by birth. I would freak out, too, if I learned that the dream that I had all my life may not even be mine to begin with. If it weren’t for the fact that Westeros is facing Armageddon, this might be more important an issue. But like I said last week, Jon doesn’t want the Iron Throne. If Daenerys really wants that thing so badly, I don’t think Jon would care.

The only reason I’m brought this scene up here rather than my list (which will be shorter this week) is because I think that only one of these two Targaryens will survive to the end of the show. There’s even an algorithm made by German students that says that Dany has a 1% chance of dying in the final season. I’ll believe it when I see it, and the next two episodes may decide who lives and who dies.

There are only a few hours left before the Battle of Winterfell begins. The Night King is upon Westeros once more, and whatever happens tonight will make TV history. Given the fact that so many people are going to die, I think it was smart for the show to take one final episode to breathe and let us say our goodbyes to everyone. Because tonight, the bodies start dropping

I Give “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” a 5 out of 5.

I meant to publish my review and list of favorite moments from the first episode the day after it aired, but I couldn’t think of what it is I wanted to say. I want to make this count. I was a latecomer to Game of Thrones; I didn’t join until the end of Season Six. After going back and watching it in its entirety, I understand a little of why it’s the greatest show in the world.

Every so often, mankind will come up with a story that not only entertains people, but redefines how we tell them. Something that pushes the boundaries of what our collective imagination can do into places that we may never knew it could go. A story so great, that people will be telling it for centuries after the original storyteller is dust. Greece had The Iliad and The Odyssey, England had the works of William Shakespeare; our parents generation had the original Star Wars. And now we have Game of Thrones.

What D.B. Weiss, David Benioff, and the countless people behind this show has redefined what can be done in a TV show. It’s done things that people would have called impossible. It’s not just one of the best shows of all time; it’s one of the best stories of all time. If mankind lives long enough to see the next few centuries, I hope that will still be talking about this show. That’s why I want to make this as perfect as possible, as a fan and as a writer.

Now, though, a week has passed, and the next episode airs tonight. the time for reflecting/fanboying is over. You can expect the review and best moments for episode 2 on Tuesday.

Click here for my review of Episode 1: “Winterfell”

P.S.- Happy Easter Sunday, everyone!

Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1 Review

After eight years, sixty-eight episodes, and more deaths than I can name off the top of my head, the end is here. The Wall has fallen, and the Night King leads his undead army south to conquer Westeros. Now the Seven Kingdoms must put aside the fact that they’ve been at each others throats for years and fight as one. With only six episodes left, the final season of Game of Thrones needs to end in a way that will please most of the fans.

Despite the urgency in the show and in real life, the first episode of Game of Thrones’ final season is a slow burn. That’s a good thing, though! Given what’s about to happen, now is the time to wrap up any remaining plot threads before the final battle. With almost all the surviving cast converging on or at Winterfell, this was the right time to focus on tying up loose ends.

The first scene was a virtual book-end to the first episode. Mirroring King Robert’s arrival in Winterfell in the first episode, Jon, Daenerys, and all the people in their camp arrive in Winterfell. Daenerys’ arrival is as different from Robert’s as summer and winter. The North remembers, and while we know that Daenerys isn’t a tyrant like her father, it will take time to earn everyone’s trust.

Speaking of trust, Euron came through for Cersei and got her the Golden Company. What’s more, she seems to be willing to fulfill her promise to marry Euron, her only big ally left. As for Jaime, she now considers even him an enemy, to the point where she tries to convince Bron to kill him and Tyrion if the White Walkers don’t. Aboard the Iron Fleet, a smaller reunion takes place as Theon manages to quickly rescue Yara.

I’ve long considered the Greyjoys story to be among the show’s weak points, but in spite of that, I had hoped otherwise. I thought that Theon would rescue Yara and they would end up killing their uncle, but I’m quickly remined that that doesn’t happen in Game of Thrones. With Yara departing to retake the Iron Islands, we may not even see her the final episode, if at all. As for Theon, he’s going to fight at Winterfell, and I’m almost certain he’s going to die there.

The rest of the episode, though, focuses on what it needs to: reunions, revelations, and first meetings. A lot of the show’s caast met each other for the first time in years, and it was fun to see. The moment that made the Internet lose it, though, was the reunion between Jon and Arya. Arya’s road has been dark and bloody and has hardened her heart. Yet when I saw her face light up as she ran into Jon’s arms, I could see the little girl she once was. Which made me even more upset at when Arya subtly told Jon to never forget who his family was.

Now, let’s talk about the scene we’re all here for: Jon Snow knows something. I admit, I did not expect it to happen the way it did, and it was upsetting that Sam had to tell Jon right after learning that Daenerys killed his father and brother. It almost like it was done out of spite, something I didn’t think Sam was capable of. But my concerns over that, though, vanished when I saw the look on Jon’s face when Sam told him the truth: he was the son Rhaegar Tarygaryen and Lyanna Stark. His face twisted into one of confusion, then shock, and then disbelief.

What he did next I didn’t expect: he was shocked, but about the fact that Ned Stark lied to him his entire life. If you know Jon Snow, then you know that Ned Stark wasn’t just his father-figure, he was his hero and role model. From the moment he left Winterfell, he’s tried to honor what Ned taught him. Once that sinks in, he refuse to accept the truth of his heritage, declaring Daenerys to be his Queen, despite Sam’s insistence.

Earlier in this same scene, Sam told Jon that he’s “always been a king”. Sam was right: time and time again, Jon has proven himself to be a king. When he sees something wrong, he’s the first to speak up about it or fight over it. He’s the first to jump into battle, and inspires loyalty in those who follow him. And unlike a lot of the king’s on this show, he has a moral compass and will follow it.
Jon has many of the qualities that would make for a good king; given practice and help from Sansa, he could learn how to deal with politics.

There’s one quality about Jon that Daenerys, Cersei, and Euron don’t have, though: he doesn’t want to be king. He’s smart enough to know that being a king stinks. It’s a lot of hard work that involves making morally questionable choices and putting up with people you hate. And now that he’s being told that he’s the rightful king of the Seven Kingdoms, he wants nothing to do with it.

He might not have a choice, though. I’ve come to the conclusion that either he or Daenerys will not survive the final season, and that the one who survives will be the best claimant to the Iron Throne. It’s just a question of whom, and we have five episodes left to answer that.

So yes, this episode was slow, and considering what’s at stake, that might not be for everyone. I understand how important it is for this episode to be a slow burn: because of what’s coming. In one week’s time, the Seven Kingdoms are going to experience the biggest storm television has ever seen. We need these last moments of calm before that happens, and I’m grateful the show knew this.

In short, I loved this episode. Everything was well-written and thought out, moments fans have dreamed of for years happened before our eyes, and the actors gave it their all. Even the one part I didn’t like with Theon and Yara didn’t last long.

I Give “Winterfell” a 5 out of 5.

Stray Observations

• Cersei really wanted those elephants.
• Remember Ed Sheeran and that awful cameo he made last season? Turns out his character’s alive, but he got his eyelids burned off by Drogon
• Rest In Peace, Ned Umber, the first casualty of the final season