RJ Writing Ink

Jay’s Month of Screams, Day 19- Tales From the Crypt

I was looking at scary movies to watch for tonight, and I remembered this movie that Nostalgia Critic talked about on Wednesday. Called Demon Knight, it’s based on the HBO series Tales From the Crypt, which was based on the comics of the same name. I can’t believe I did not know about this, or that Robert Zemeckis helped produce it.

Regardless, I thought that it’s worth watching so I found it on demand. Here’s a basic rundown of the plot. It’s basically a survive the night scenario about this mysterious man, Blayker, who’s stuck in a motel being attacked by demons. The reason why there are demons in the first place? Blayker has a key/chalice with the blood of Jesus in it, and it’s one of seven keys needed to unleash an army of demons to conquer the universe. So Blayker has to protect it along with a bunch of other trope-fulfilling characters who will obviously die, except for the final girl.

After looking through it all, I can say one thing about this film: it’s like the king of B-horror films. It’s cheesy, it’s goofy, and the special effects aren’t that breathtaking, even by 90s standards. However, Demon Knight succeeds because it relishes how silly it can be. It’s raunchy, over the top, and filled with blood and gore, but in a fun way. I can see why people liked it, and why it’s a cult film.

Since I never saw Tales From The Crypt, though, I couldn’t connect to it as much as Critic did. It’s a good movie, but it’s just not something I’m interested in. Maybe I’ll watch it a second time, just in case. Happy Halloween!

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South Park, Season 23, Episode 4- “Let Them Eat Goo” Review

If there are any recurring themes in this season of South Park, it’s Tegridy Farms and Matt and Trey’s making fun of China’s policies. In the 300th episode, this took a backseat to the anti-vaxxer storyline, but now its back in force. This time they also take aim at vegan fast food for good measure. The result is a solid, if quiet, episode about, off all things, vegan pot burgers.

Thanks to Randy dropping China as customers, Tegridy Farms needs a new source of income. So Towelie suggests selling the unused parts of their crops as mulch. I had to admit, that was a really good idea and it could have solved their problems. However, that idea falls to the wayside when Randy discovers Burger King’s Impossible Burger. Like everyone says, it tastes awful, yet people buy them because they think it’s healthier and better for the environment. Yet, it’s still Burger King.

Cartman Freaks Out

Regarding healthier and better food, South Park Elementary changes it’s cafeteria menu to serve healthier food. This happened because a lot of students protested how unhealthy the food they ate was. They forgot how Cartman would react to getting his favorite food taken away. Cartman ends up freaking out so much that he has a heart attack. Twice.

As morbidly funny as that was, it drives the point home about unhealthy the food was. Yet Cartman doesn’t care, he just wants the right to eat his junk food, even if it kills him. When Wendy tries to argue her stance, Cartman quotes a recent statement from LeBron James:

Yes, we do have freedom of speech, but at times there are ramifications for the negative that can happen when you are not thinking about others and only thinking about yourself!

Once again, South Park mocks China and Hollywood and the NBA for sucking up to them.

Rather than deal with Cartman, the school compromises by hiring a “Goo Man”. He makes this green goo that can be molded into food and it’s supposed to be good for you, despite not explaining what it is. Now he wants to supply it to all of South Park, and even manages to get Cartman on his side by explaining what it is.

It’s surprising that Cartman would like this, but that’s because it’s the same thing as what he loves. It’s processed junk filled with preservatives and sold from factories, just better for the environment. Even crazier is how he gives a rare apology to everyone. Yet, his statement about the goo being “processed crap” makes it feel like a hollow victory.

Vegan Pot Burgers. They Get You High.

Meanwhile, Randy’s newest business venture, vegan pot burgers, has seen massive success. Despite tasting no better than what Burger King sells, people get so high from the pot burgers that they don’t care. That ends up making him a target of the Goo Man, who works with Burger King and a cattle rancher. They dump a bunch of unwanted cows at Tegridy Farms, so Randy and Towelie kill them while stoned out of their heads. They then leak the whole thing online, shutting down the vegan pot burgers.

Stoned Burgers, Not for Me

While the whole vegan pot burgers thing was hilarious, the episode felt a little disjointed to me. Perhaps it was because I don’t really like the Tegridy Farms arc and want to see Randy fail. Or maybe it felt disappointing after last week’s hilarious episode.

However, I got what the show was getting at: how vegan food can end up being the same junk we eat, but with a different name. Nonetheless, the whole story didn’t click with me as much as it should have. Maybe someday, we’ll be able to create food that’s healthy and eco-friendly, but South Park seems to think that day’s not today. For now, we eat goo.

I Give “Let Them Eat Goo” a 3.6/5

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